Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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