I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
