a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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