Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
