That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
