So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
