My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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