if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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