You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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