I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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