my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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