You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
