I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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