wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize