i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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