Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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