I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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