Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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