we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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