I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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