Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
