I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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