Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
