I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We need to get me chipped asap
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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