Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
