I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
