If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?