There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?