i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
