We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE