the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...