Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
