How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
