i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
