I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
