Moan for me like Helen Keller
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
