im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
