nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
