Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
