life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
