Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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