My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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