and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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