I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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