9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The adults are the big ones right?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
