Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
