if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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