I'm eating all of the evidence.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
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