it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
