Already got asked if we're dating
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
