Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Fuck appropriateness.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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