forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
