I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
