i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
