A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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