I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
