i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Come share oat with me in your robe
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
