i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
