once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
