who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
