I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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